William is fast approaching turning 3 years old. Fuck me – that’s frightening . He will be 3 in October – what the actual hell.

He is coming along so much at the moment – since probably around Christmas 2018 his speech has really picked up, he can put several words together, okay the pronunciation isn’t great, but the sound and everything is there, and its so so lovely to be able to hear him chatting away to himself or singing Twinkle Twinkle or Wheels on the Bus, it makes my heart burst and sometimes I get a little tear in my eye because I just honestly, this is going to sound dramatic and im sorry if it does, but I honestly was so worried he just would never speak. Since Christmas like I say, he has come on leaps and bounds, nursery are pleased with him and we have had 2 visits from our Health Visitor (which were bloody pointless if I’m honest, but hey ho we’ve had the visits I guess) and everyone who sees him tell me how much he has come on and is just doing so well. he even got a sticker from nursery a couple of weeks back as he told one of the girls there all the colours of the blocks (NO YOURE CRYING). With the speech, a new confidence is also coming with him, and he is so much more outgoing and likely to go off and play rather than needing me there holding his hand all the time . Which also makes me so so proud and happy for him.

I fel so down in the dumps and guilty when we were told he had glue ear. It all clicked in my head and made sense. He was so quiet because he couldn’t hear properly. He couldn’t speak because he couldn’t hear properly. He couldn’t understand the sounds of speech. He didn’t speak or interact at nursery because it was too loud and he couldn’t hear what the girls were asking of him, he was confused, he stopped eating at nursery because it was so loud and busy and he couldn’t hear what people were saying to him. It made me so sad – your childhood is supposed to be so much fun and filled with happiness and it was obvious that William wasn’t experiencing this, and writing this and thinking of that still makes me have a little cry. I just felt so bad for him and that there was nothing I could do to help him and felt sad that he was missing out. Nursery were great though, they make such an effort to do things with him in smaller groups were he can hear clearly, they give him his meals in a smaller setting of around 3/4 children and he is eating so much better, and because they are taking more time with him he is then coming out of his shell and every week they tell me he has done something new or said something new – it makes me feel so happy.

But with all this there have also been hard times, the terrible two’s are a THING. Like. I cant even tell you. He has SUCH a bad temper!! Like, my goodness, I know I have a short temper but frigging Nora, he gets so frustrated and angry so quickly. I do think a lot of it is to do with the whole speech thing – he is still learning and there are obviously times when he will blabber something at me with such conviction, and I literally have no clue what the hell he has just said. And there’s only so many times I can ask him without him getting cross at me for not understanding what he’s just said.

He is so head strong. Honest to god – he is going to be a bloody nightmare! Here’s a list of all the things William loses his shit over:

  • sharing
  • having to have tea
  • having to have lunch
  • not being able to have 3 bowls of cocoa pops
  • not being able to have peanut butter sandwiches for every meal and snack
  • not being able to eat cereal bars at 8pm
  • putting his shoes on
  • not being able to wear wellies
  • wearing wellies
  • having to put a coat on
  • having to take pj’s off
  • having to have a bath
  • having to change his nappy
  • having to go for a wee on a potty because he doesn’t want to wear a nappy
  • having to wear a nappy because he doesn’t want to to use a potty
  • daddy being home
  • daddy saying hello
  • mummy leaving the room
  • mummy having breakfast/lunch/tea
  • mummy having a shit
  • mummy having a wee
  • mummy not carrying him everywhere
  • not being able to play in the street

The list goes on. You can see a pattern here cant you? Basically everything he doesn’t want to fucking do and even the things he does want to do he kicks off about having to do. And the ATTITUDE. He can also be aggressive too, and violent which really does worry me sometimes. He has been particularly hard work this week, he has thrown little chairs at me, took his little folding table apart and threw a leg of that at me, books, shoes (wellies, of course), toys, dummies, nappies, toothbrushes, the list goes on. And if there is nothing for him to throw at me, he will just hit or kick me. It can be so soul destroying, and really hard to manage sometimes. Sometimes I just go outside while William is kicking off, and hide behind the shed just for five minutes to calm down. They really know how to push your buttons don’t they?! And yes, yes, Sheila, before you say anything about how he is just “pushing the boundaries” (fucking boundaries) that really doesn’t help me now does it. Ill just remember that when Will is nipping my neck, or pulling my glasses off my face and slapping me, “Oh no need to worry, its just him TESTING HIS BOUNDARIES”. Fuck off. I couldn’t give a toss if he was the Queen Of Sheba, you don’t go around treating people like that, least of all your mother.

But how the actual F do you discipline a 2.5 year old? Like, he doesn’t understand properly, and he wont sit on a naughty step, so I have to just walk away and leave him to it – it seems to be the only way at the moment and then talk to him when he has calmed down, then he does say “ARRY MUMMY” (Sorry) and we have a hug and a kiss and he seems to understand that better than me shouting back at him or removing him, How can I tell him off for shouting or screaming or being aggressive, and then do the same to him? Talk about confusing.

But all in all, things are good with Will, he still makes me laugh every day and we DO have a really strong bond and I know he does love me really, but I’m not going to lie, some days I count down the seconds until bed time, because it can be INTENSE. And this post was really just to put it out there really, just in case you were in the same position as me and looking at everyone else and thinking “what the hell? why has she got all her shit together” and I’m  here getting beaten up by my kid (slight exaggeration) and eating cheddar biscuits with tszatziki  for tea because that’s all you can be arsed to make – along with of course a wine.

1 thought on “Toddler”

  1. This sounds like my youngest son, especially the wellies!! They make you laugh, they make you cry & before you know it ‘wham’ like a knife through your heart, they’re 18 & you’ve got to dodge the wellies big style because they’re whopping size 8’s!! 😆
    I love reading your diary, thank you x


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