I thought I would do a post about William’s feeding habits, as it often seems to be at the forefront of my recent Instagram Stories, and I do get people sliding into my DM’s asking me for ideas of food when it comes to their little ones, and I must just point out – William IS a good eater – when he wants to be. I am not qualified to give clinical or dietary advice, but I can let you all know what I give him and maybe that will give you some ideas yourselves.

I weaned William early, as he was a very hungry baby, by the time he was 4 months old he was having 9oz bottles of milk every 2-3 hours, and he was drinking so much formula he would be so constipated and when trying to go for a number 2, he would strain so much that he would be sick out of his nose and we were worried he was going to hurt himself, so we switched formula brands from Aptamil to Hipp Organic (which by the way is so much better, and actually cheaper too – well it was when we were buying it – a lot gentler on their little tummies) and we were advised to start trying William with little bits of puree or baby food/rice by our healthcare professionals. We just couldn’t seem to fill the kid!

So, we did wean William earlier than perhaps the “recommended guidelines” but please remember – they are not set rules and you are not going to go to prison if you wean your baby earlier or later than these guidelines – you just do what you think is best for you, your child and your family. I got a lot of stick from know-it-all-Nancy’s about weaning William too early and also online too. At the end of the day we did what we believed was right for William and what was recommended by our health visitor.

Whilst weaning he was a good eater, always favouring the savoury stuff rather than the sweet, although he did love a yogurt. I must say it wasnt easy, we didn’t do BLW (baby led weaning) as he choked quite badly on some sprout puree (bloody sprouts) quite early on, and I just couldn’t bring myself to let him have these big chunks of food so we stuck to purees and baby food that way. Again, its all up to personal preference and im not dismissing how you want to wean your child. We loved those Ella’s Kitchen food pouches and so did Wills.

The thing with William is, once he started learning what he liked and what he didn’t, he would point blank refuse to try anything new. We still have that problem now. I try and try to get him to eat chicken nuggets and fish fingers – will he do it? Will he balls. I’ll give you a typical rundown of what he would eat during a normal day at home with me:

Breakfast: He will always pick out his cereals in a morning – his current faves are cheerios, bran flakes, cocoa pops and corn flakes. He will have these with whole milk. Usually he will eat the bowl, then half an hour or so later he will have a slice of toast, or a crumpet, and sometimes a bit of fruit or a fruit pouch. (bloody loves those things he does). He will usually always eat his breakfast, its one of the meals that I know he will definitely eat with no arguments – this kid just LOVES cereals.

Lunch: This is the meal I always struggle with. William WILL NOT touch a sandwich unless it has peanut butter in it. Yet at nursery, oh well he will eat pitta breads with ham and cheese. CHEERS THEN. I try so many times to offer him different sandwiches and different variants and different fillings, yet he will just not entertain it. We often have a picky lunch, so he will have savoury rice cakes (paprika and cheese ones are his faves), with cucumber, peppers and sweetcorn, sometimes carrot sticks, things like that. More often than not, for lunch we will usually have something like beans on toast or spaghetti on toast, with fruit for pudding, or soup. This kid LOVES soup. Chicken, mushroom, tomato. He bloody loves it. It’s like the fail safe that I can always count on him eating. He will have bread with it too, sometimes rice cakes, sometimes a packet of crisps, you know, usual dinner-time stuff. I only really let Will have one packet of crisps a day, but sometimes he can give or take them.

Tea: This is where I often feel guilty. Because more often than not, it is a ready-meal (or rather half – I only ever give him half a portion and the rest of the plate is veggies). Me and Norms only eat our tea after he has gone to bed (if Norms is home that is), so we don’t really eat together at tea time, which is a shame. If it’s just me and Will, then I will generally have tea at the same time as him. I often use the Sainsbury’s “Little Ones” ready meals, as they do some really nice flavours and Will seems to enjoy them. I also have some of the Annabelle Karmel ones in the freezer, as well as some of the Asda own brand kids range. He will eat most things, his favourite are “gravy dinners” so things like lamb hotpot and shepherds pie etc, but he also loves chilli and curry. If we have stir fry with noodles and black bean sauce, he will have some of that, and things such as curry, pasta, fish pie etc, I always make sure that I save a portion or 2 for Wills. He will always eat the veggies first, he looooooves peas, sweetcorn, broccoli, cauliflower and mushrooms. I can always count on him eating the veggies first, before eating the “main” part of the meal. He doesn’t eat a lot of meat, that’s one thing I do worry for him – he will eat it if it is minced, like beef or pork or turkey, but actual pieces of chicken or beef etc with a roast dinner for example, not a chance. He’s so weird sometimes, he doesn’t like to try something if it doesn’t look a certain way or looks different to what he usually has. He will often have yogurts of fruit for pudding, or if he has eaten well i’ll let him have a chocolate hobnob (the kid loves those), and some raisins.

I try really hard for him to have a balanced diet, he drinks a lot of squash throughout the day and I am aware (working in a dental department) the impact this can have on his little teeth, so I try to make sure he doesn’t have too many sugary snacks throughout the day, but you are often caught between a rock and hard place, because then you give them fruit, however that has lots of sugar in too! I just think, he is drinking plenty of fluids, its made very weak, and at the end of the day, he isn’t going to lead a sugar-free life (apart from if he needs to for medical reasons) so just let him have the juice. I don’t give him fizzy drinks  – that’s one thing I am quite strict with, I just think its unnecessary at such a young age and it is of no benefit to them and promoting bad habits from a young age. Plus he would be off his tits on sugar and I do not want that (lol).

Of course, we let him have the odd treat, and of course, he is of an age at the moment where he is “testing the boundaries” (them bloody boundaries again people), and finding out what he lies and what he doesn’t, and also seeing how far he can push me to get what he wants. Some days, we eat cereal for 2 out of 3 of the meals and eat crisps and don’t eat much fruit – other days he will eat like an absolute dream of a child, and I will go to bed feeling so pleased and that I had my shit together that day. What I’m trying to say is, a bad day doesn’t equal a bad week, and a bad week doesn’t equal a bad month. It feels shitty and rubbish at the time and you feel like you are in this never ending cycle of “why wont he eat, god I’m dreading tea time, is it bed time yet?” , but trust me, you’re not on your own, and someone, somewhere on this planet, someone is thinking JUST the same as you. All you can do is your best, and if that means chicken nuggets and chips and beans, well then hey, so be it. (I wish William would eat chicken nuggets. probably for the best really. One for William, one for Mummy…)

I mean..chicken nug nugs. The bomb diggy mate.

Tara x


Junk in the Trunk

Following on from my Beauty blog post, which you can read here if you missed it (or not – whatever) I thought I would do another “lifestyle” sort of post about the clothes I wear, how I dress for my shape and where I like to shop (being a curvy and tall lady).

I also wanted to touch on how I have coped with my new body shape since having Wills. I mean listen, I was never “slim” or a size 10 (the perfect size – apparently) before I fell pregnant with him – I love beer and kebabs and cheese and pastries and ALL the naughty food. I also like to have a beer or a cider rather than a slimline G&T. But that’s just me. And I don’t gorge myself on takeaways and Greggs and get pissed up every night – far from it actually. But I AM and always have been a booby and hippy sort of girl. Before I fell pregnant I was a comfortable size 14 – sometimes 12 depending on the shop – and now I just buy whatever the hell looks good and fits – regardless of the size.

I’m not going to say that it’s been easy picking up a size 14 and trying to squeeze myself into it, in a hot and sweaty cramped changing room and finding out Again that they don’t fit and having to go look for a bigger size – whether that be a 16 or an 18, because for some reason as women we become obsessed with what “the scales say” or what “size clothes we have to wear” or “to look like so and so from this telly show or that telly show”, when really, there are far more important things to be worrying about, in the grand scheme of things. I myself WAS upset that I couldn’t fit into a size 14 anymore, however when I think about what me, as a woman, has done, I grew a PROPER PERSON like including brains and heart and everything!! How can I be angry or pissed off with my body when it’s created this little person? And yeah, I ate the McDonald’s through the end of my pregnancy, and the cake, and the spam and fried egg sandwiches (don’t ask – weird craving) and I BLOODY enjoyed them. So yeah, I am a clothes size up from 2 years ago. But hey, who cares? Wills doesn’t look at me and think “oh my goodness, my mummy needs to lose weight”, and as far as I am aware Norms is happy if I’m happy.

What I’m trying to say is, to anyone who reads this and is having a bit of a shitty time with looks and clothes etc. etc., then don’t worry about it, we have all been there, and if it fits, makes you feel good and you feel great it in, then who gives a toss what the size says in the label. No one else knows what it says in it apart from you. People aren’t going to go up to you in Asda and say “OH YOU LOOK LIKE YOURE WEARING A SIZE 18 IN THOSE TROUSERS”. People really don’t give that much of a shit.

Anyway, back to the actual CLOTHES! I love to shop online, and I probably 80% of the time buy my clothes from Boohoo. I just LOVE it. It’s so cheap and the clothes (I feel) really fit me well, I always buy from the “Boohoo Plus” range, as I feel the fit is really good and is true to size on most pieces. Without sounding like a twat, I get a lot of compliments when I wear certain things from Boohoo (can anyone say boohoo without singing the advert tune *boohoodotcom*??) I’ll pop a couple of photos of my favourite outfits from there below.

I also am a massive advocate of the supermarkets. I LOVE me a George at Asda haul, I like the sizing and sometimes you can get some proper nice stuff in there, and I get a lot of my work shoes from there. I got some boots last year in the sale for a FIVER and they will be getting pulled out again this winter. WINNER. But Tesco and Sainsbury’s are also brilliant for clothes – especially when they have their sales (so thrifty me). There are of course other shops I go to, I love Matalan and Dorothy Perkins, Next, H&M and Simply Be. Below is a jumpsuit from Sainsbury’s which I LOVE.

When it comes to dressing for my shape, I have often struggled, being big busted and having a small waist, yet big hips and skinny legs. But now, if I see something I like, I take it, try it, even if its something I would maybe of overlooked before because I thought I was “too big”. Sometimes, I am pleasantly surprised, and other times (more often than not) I look like a complete idiot and we file that away in the folder of “nope never again”. But the thing is now I have the confidence to try it. I lived in baggy oversized tunic tops and leggings for such a long time. SUCH a long time. Just because I have bingo wings, does that mean I cant wear a strappy cami? Just because I have cellulite does that mean I cant wear shorts or skirts when it’s 89524586 degrees outside? Because I have stomach rolls does that mean I cant wear skinny jeans? NO. I can wear whatever the bloody hell I want to.

I think a lot of it as well is that now, there is so much more choice for women to wear different clothing styles, lots of clothing lines/shops/online retailers are providing a “curve” or “plus” range. And it is just as nice as the stuff that the “normal” models wear, whereas before the clothing that went above a size 14/16 was always just baggy tops, unflatteringly shaped thin stretchy jeans, stripy tops, and just general (dare I say it) shit. There is so, so much more choice and scope for women to pick and choose what they want to wear, whether they are a size 8 or a size 28.

Of course, a lot of it is to do with how confident you are as a person. I for one don’t go around with a crop top and mini skirt on, because I don’t feel comfortable enough to do so, but also because I know that it won’t probably be the most flattering outfit choice for me. But that’s ok, I’ll wear a crazy print jumpsuit instead. I feel like I’ve finally come to accept the skin I am in and the way I look, and just wear whatever I think looks nice, is practical, and which makes ME (no one else), ME, feel good. And if you feel good, it shows, you smile more, you seem more confident, you aren’t walking around with your eyes on the floor, avoiding eye contact with people, wondering if people think you look like a twat. And I tell you what, it’s a bloody good feeling.

Tara x


What I Use On My Face

I don’t want to sound like an idiot, but I do regularly get asked what I wear on my face, it sounds so annoying saying “oh I get so many messages” blah blah blah but I do get asked a few times what products I use daily, what I would recommend, because let’s be honest, as a woman MOST of us love make up and testing new products out and seeing what other people are using and getting excited about trying it out, watching video tutorials on YouTube and rushing to go buy the next “new big thing” that is about to crash the make up world.

But in all seriousness, I thought I would share what I use on the daily and also what I use for a night out/special occasion, as I (as much as the next person) love reading about  what is in other people’s make up bags, and also what I have used and maybe don’t rate that much.

Now, before we start I will just say that the products and the way I use them MIGHT NOT be the correct way to do so, however I do not claim to be a make up artist or professional and I do just work with what I’ve a) got and b) works for me. I also have quite oily skin and perspire (sweat) a lot in the summer (HAWT) so I probably use a lot more on my face than most people for my every day look, but it’s what lasts and works for me personally.

Okay, now we’ve got all that boring stuff out the way let’s go!

I always do my eyes first, some people do their foundation/base first but I personally do my eyes. I always use liquid eyeliner in a black colour, and I use one by Collection at the moment. I must have a waterproof one as I have watery eyes. I like this one as it’s easy to use and doesn’t cost a lot at all. I switch it up between mascaras, I often use whatever is on offer, but always seem to go back to Maybelline Colossal Lash – the yellow one. However recently I’ve not been feeling it, so I purchased this MaxFactor one from (of all places) B&M and so far I love it. However I have read (and seen) amazing things from the Benefit Roller Lash Mascara so I am going to buy a small tube of that to try I think next. I often find it hard with eye make up as I wear glasses, a lot of the time the eye make up gets lost behind the frames. Which is why sometimes I put on a bit more make up than what I usually would like, as sometimes behind the glasses and the frames it can get a bit lost. To line the bottom of my eyes I use a palette from Collection (again – I love this brand) and I just use whichever dark brown shade I fancy that day.

I then move onto face. I don’t usually use a primer, however when I do I usually use an Estee Lauder Matte Primer which I bought with my birthday money last year and I must say I really do love it – it is on the pricey side BUT I only use it for special occasions or when I am going out (when, let’s be honest is quite rare these days since becoming a parent), so I believe its been good value for money considering I bought it in November last year and it’s now August the following year and I still have lots left.

Foundation-wise – this is where I struggle. I like a full coverage but matte finish foundation, and I do struggle with the coverage and matte finish with my oily and shiny skin. I have used loads in the past, like LOADS but here are a list of my favourites:

Collection Lasting Perfection – this is a bargain at 6 quid and honestly it is a brilliant dupe for Estee Lauder Double Wear – however for ME personally it wasn’t as much coverage as I would usually like. But for every day it’s definitely worth a look.

Revolution Make Up Foundation Stick – honestly this stuff is BLOODY AMAZING. I love it – however it is quite a waxy consistency and for me it didn’t last massively but the coverage ladies (and gents) was honestly absolutely amazing and it was only a fiver! I really, really rate this brand of make up it’s so affordable and the quality is brilliant.

Revolution Pro Full Coverage Camouflage Foundation –  THIS. THIS. THIS. Honestly – I have also used Estee Lauder Double Wear but this is so so SO GOOD. I can’t rave about it enough honestly – for the price the coverage is bloody amazing and it’s not slimy or anything.

I then just use whichever concealer I have in – at the moment it’s a seventeen one and a W7 one – still on the lookout for “the one”. I then always use a pressed powder to set all that stuff – again at the moment I use a collection one.

Then onto bronzer etc. I use a Barry M contour palette to put a little on my cheekbones then I use the darker shade from that same one to do my double chins – girls got to do what a girls got to do! I then blend all that in and go over with really cheap bronzing pearls from B&M which I just love and have used for ages (so classy me). I also then use a bourjois powder blusher – just a little! To even out the bronze-ness. (Is that even a word?)

To highlight I use two things – a blush block from collection which I have used for years and years and just keep on going back and buying, and a Primark highlight palette which is just the dream.

I then always finish with my brows. Most people I know do their eyes and brows first – I do 50/50. I use (again – I’m sick of saying it but when you find a brand that works for you, you just have to stick to it don’t you?) Revolution brow pomade – but I do use 2. I use the taupe shade to do the front part of my brows nearest my nose as that’s the most sparse area and then I use the dark brown shade to fill the rest in. I then (once they are done and nice and full) like to set them with a brow mascara- I love the Maybelline Brow Mascara in dark brown. I then use a setting spray which is by Revolution and I use the sport fix spray which really does keep your slap on all day!

For an evening/special occasion I use the exact same products but I do use eyeshadow palettes – again not expensive I use a Revolution one which I will link here and also a W7 one which I will link here.

Please note this post isn’t sponsored or an affiliate it’s just stuff which I love! Sorry it’s been long and I hope you enjoyed having a nosy in my make up bag! Let me know if there are any other posts you would like to see!

Tara x


A House is Made of Walls and Beams

…And a home is made from hopes and dreams – so the saying goes.

And recently we moved house! And what a bloody lark!

It was the first time I had ever moved house before – before living with Norms I was living at home, a carefree, rich 21 year old who just ate sandwiches and got up whenever they wanted and had clean uniform for work and lovely ironed clothes every day – not a clue about the real day to day stuff.

I’ll give you a bit of background of me and my husband – I moved in with him after being together for just a year. Some people may think this is quite quick but we had actually known each other for around 4 years previous, as I actually was dating his (then) best friend’s brother. AWKS. Nothing happened (obviously) with us while I was with this other person, but after we broke up me and Norms stayed in touch and met up for a few drinks here and there and the rest they say is history. Haven’t been able to get rid of him since! (lol I joke – or do I).

So yes, I moved in with Norms when I was 21 and I had to learn how to do everything – washing machine, tumble, iron, the lot. But since then we had built a lovely little home together – he already had the property and I just basically moved aaaaallllll my shit in and took over! I think he was surprised by how much stuff I had! So yes, we then stayed there for 9 years, until this year (2018) when we had the chance to move into a bigger and more suitable property for our needs. This is where it gets interesting.

Well, not interesting really. Basically, what happened was we were going to put our house on the market before, however I found out I was pregnant with William, and so we put it on hold but did the decorating while we were doing the nursery, and decided we would put the house up for sale when we were settled into our new lives as parents. So that’s what we did.

When we put our house up for sale we were really excited! The estate agents promised us it would be sold really quick, you know how it is, they give you the usual spiel of how there are “loads of people interested in this type of house AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT” and how “easy” it would be to sell blah blah blah. Well, in fact it took us around 7 months for the house to sell. We had several fruitless viewings, and some ridiculous offers as I’m sure everyone does, and we started to get really disheartened. We just wanted to sell our house!

The main reason we wanted to sell it quickly was because we actually already had a house ready to move into, and we were eager to get in. The house we had to move into was actually my grandparents old house. Sadly, they are no longer here – my Granddad (whom I was very very close to and he was very much a father figure in my life as I don’t have a relationship with my own dad) died 4 years ago suddenly, and my Gran bless her heart developed Dementia and Alzheimer’s and passed away last year while I was on Maternity leave, but she had been living out of the house for around a year due to needing 24/7 care in a sheltered accommodation setting. My uncle lived in the house for a while, however as he isn’t with a partner at the moment, he had no need for the house and my mum didn’t want ANOTHER house as she already has one (obvs – lol) so were going to put it on the market when they approached me and Norms about whether we would like to buy Granny and Granddad’s house. Of course, we said we would love to but it was a little out of our price range. We came to an agreement in the end, and we happily agreed that it would be best for all parties if we kept the house in the family, and they would rather sell it to us, and Granny and Granddad would have been happy that it was being kept by someone who would look after it.

We were also in a fortunate position where we could actually go and decorate the house before we moved into it – which has saved our bacon. We were DREADING the thought of moving into a house then having to decorate with William and try work it between Norms working away and me working part-time and relying on people for childcare when they already had plans. So we spent most weekends at the house decorating, painting, knocking walls down, ripping fireplaces out, ripping airing cupboards out, getting new boiler and heating systems etc etc, and we were absolutely knackered by the end of it. But we were really lucky (considering it had come out of bad circumstances of my grandparents no longer being here anymore) so we just sucked it up and got on with it. Let me just say this – I DONT WANT TO SEE ANOTHER PAINT BRUSH FOR A LONG ASS TIME.

We decided to go for a grey theme for the living and dining room – we got some lovely paper from Home Bargains (of ALL places!) which I think was around £10 for a roll. It was sparkly and stripey and I loved it. We also got the same design for the bedroom upstairs but in a very pale blue colour instead of grey. We had a right mare trying to find a grey paint though – jesus Christ who knew picking a grey would be so hard to pick – there are about 7 million different shades of grey! We eventually went for a Valspar one which was a little bit more expensive than I would usually of paid BUT it was the only one we could both agree on so we just went with that.

For the kitchen we (I) decided on a lovely sage green colour by B&Q called “cut grass”. I didn’t want a bright colour for the kitchen, our old kitchen was red and white and I was just sick to death of it first thing in a morning, I wanted a softer colour and to be able to tie in grey accessories to flow from the living/dining room and also use neutral colours for tea towels etc. (I sound like a bloody interior designer HAHAHA NEXT JOKE) I really am so useless when it comes to decorating and colour schemes but I must say, I have impressed myself really, as I do think that the colour scheme is lovely and I love coming home to it.

However I would recommend – PLEASE DO NOT use SCS for your carpets. Well, especially the one in Hull at St. Andrews Quay. I had SUCH a bad experience with them and the customer service I received from them was absolutely atrocious – barring the lovely gentleman Jamie at the end who eventually ended up sorting it all out for us. We ended up having to live with concrete floors for a month or so and with a toddler which was really unsafe because if he had fallen he could of really hurt himself yet they did not seem to care one jot. Honestly I wouldn’t step foot in there if it was the last place on earth.

SO yes, that’s my little moving house story. I’m not into all interiors and decorating, I don’t want my house to look like a show home, I prefer the “lived in” look, as long as my home is tidy and clean then I am happy – because lets face it, William just leaves peanut butter finger marks everywhere so to me, spending excessive amounts of some paint or wallpaper is just throwing money away because its going to get ruined. We’ve only been  in the house since June and we already have a little area which has little finger marks on it. Fabulous.

Sorry this was so long winded, but let me know if you would like to see any more general house/lifestyle posts like this,  or if you are just a nosy bitch and like me, like looking at other people’s houses.

Tara x



So, I thought I would write a little post about how William has been recently and the word above basically sums up the new “phase” or “thing” that we are going through these past few weeks.


Now, i’ve spoken to other mums/parents about this and I totally know that it is PROBABLY just a phase and he is “testing the boundaries” (that age old saying which to be honest is it really a thing – testing the boundaries? Surely he just doesn’t like it when he doesn’t get his own way?)

Basically, he only ever acts up to me. He’s fine with his Dad, and of course absolutely fine with both sets of grandparents (apart from that time he hit my in-laws’ dog – not the greatest moment ever there Wills) and when he is at nursery.

I get him up in a morning and sit him on his matt to change his nappy and it starts straight away. So I am half asleep, not even brushed my hair, probably one tit hanging out of my PJ’s (poor kid must be confused – but I will go to bed in a vest top – ONE WILL NEVER LEARN that you’re always going to wake up half naked!) and he either doesn’t want his pissy nappy changing/doesn’t want to be on his matt/doesn’t like the colour of my hair that day/wishes I was his Dad etc. etc. and he starts.

SLAP! Right in the face. And it isn’t a playful slap, he makes this bloody weird noise like a growl and perhaps a groan, and he’s pushing me away from him, pulling my Pj’s (trust me I wouldn’t if I were you sonny Jim) and when I’m telling him “No” he just ignores me, then goes in for the all important slap.

I’m not going to lie, I have tapped him hand back and shouted at him that he shouldn’t slap. That seems to make him more angry/frustrated, so he then tries to pull my glasses off my face. Now, anyone who wears glasses and has had this done to them before will know – YOU NEVER TOUCH THE GOGGLES HONEY. It’s a no-go area. The line has then well and truly been crossed.

All this while trying to hold a half naked child and making sure a) that piss doesn’t fly everywhere and b) he doesn’t fall off the changing table and c) he doesn’t break my bloody glasses (why are glasses so expensive though – come on guys give us a break it’s not OUR fault we are blind). A few times I have just sacked the nappy off and stuck him back in his bed for him to have his tantrum, walk out the room and come back in when he has calmed down (hopefully). Sometimes that works and sometimes me just entering the room can set him off again and make him start throwing himself around again and doing his weird growling noise.

This happens quite a few times throughout the day. It is generally when he doesn’t get his own way – when I turn Little Baby Bum (Jesus WHY did I  introduce that into our lives – I have no-one to blame but myself and that makes it all the more sour – it’s LEGIT like crack for babies and kids) off the telly, when I tell him no, he can’t have 3 fruit ouches in a row 4 minutes before his lunch, when I offer him his lunch and he doesn’t eat anything apart from the crisps, when it’s bedtime, when I put his shoes on his feet because we have ants in the back garden and I don’t want him getting bitten by them, etc. etc.

Now, I’m not thick, and I do understand that of course everyone has off days, even babies/children. But it’s the fact he only ever does it to ME. And I’m not exaggerating. Once my mother in law had popped round and he was all sweetness and light to her, then I went to change his nappy as he had done a shit, and he kicked off. She LITERALLY stood there with her mouth wide open in disbelief. She couldn’t believe it – she told me afterwards that it was like watching a different child. THANKS CAROLE FOR THE SUPPORT THERE BABES.

I’m not going to lie, it did make me feel like absolute dog shit. ABSOLITE SHIT. I was putting him down to bed at night and just crying, going and locking myself in the bathroom while he was having a tantrum, head in hands, counting to ten, deep breaths the lot. It’s especially hard as my husband works away a lot Monday through to Friday so when it is every. day. all. day. it get’s really tiresome and you start to think that your chuld hates you. He would be so so happy to see other people and not have tantrums with them, yet as soon as he saw me and I went to give him a cuddle he would go to hit me or push me away, it was very hurtful and rejecting, and I felt like a failure as a mother. I started to dread the mornings wondering if he was going to hate me that day or love me. It made me FEEL like he hated me and didn’t love me, or want me near him/to love him. It was really hard, especially as I am quite a needy person and affectionate person (I know I come across as a sour-faced old witch but really I’m a soft shit – especially when it comes to William. Or dogs, I love dogs too.) After a few days this becomes draining and exhausting.

I had a little cry to my husband and to my fellow mum friends (in real life and who I met on the “gram”  – big up to you ladies because I honestly appreciate the advice and the messages at like mid night when I’m up being a snotty mess eating cookies in bed – LOVE YOU HOES) and they reassured me that it probably WAS just a phase and OF COURSE HE LOVES ME. They gave me some advice and told me their stories of their woes and their experiences of this type of behaviour and other people who they knew who had maybe experienced this – and this made me feel better. And also to the lovely followers I have on Instagram who have messaged me and taken the time to explain their situations and given me advice – I really appreciate it, honestly you guys are just the best and I really do thank you for helping a gal out.

It seems it must be some sort of phase they go through just before they get to 2 years old – or whether it’s his frustration at not being able to communicate with me properly and me not being able to understand what he wants/needs/tries to tell me, or perhaps that he is just finding his own personality and learning what is right and wrong and (here we go guys)..testing those boundaries. I kind of get that saying but still not fully. Maybe its just me.

But – it seems to have calmed down. Don’t get me wrong – some days are a shower of shit and I cry in the bathroom before going out to him and offering him his lasagne for the 5678th time and him throwing it back at me, other days are wonderful and he climbs on my knee and wants to kiss my face and cuddle me and hold my hand wherever he goes and wants to have “a love” as we call it when we sit in the chair in his room with his blankie and toy elephant and just have a cuddle before bed. Swings and roundabouts I guess, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy.

I guess I just always have this feeling that I am failing and that everyone else is doing a better job than me. When in fact – I am the one he wants to cuddle at night before he goes to sleep, those sleepy” loves” are what makes me restore my faith that he doesn’t hate me at all, but in equal measures they also make me feel awful for shouting, losing my rag and having to walk away, and thinking “oh god – when will this day ever end?!” There is a saying I have read which says “the days are long but the years are short” and it really is true. I mean – I started this blog when he was new-born – here we are 2 years later.

I guess what I am trying to say, and to reiterate it to MYSELF, is that you are doing a great job, Mummy, Daddy, Granny, Auntie, Granddad, Foster mum, whoever you are looking after these small people. And also just to say that even though it sometimes feels like you are, you actually aren’t on your own.

Tara x